How to lose 10 LBS in 10 days: Safe for all Infants!

How to use deprivation and teach self-loathing to your little one.

The more time I spend with women, the more I understand what the hell is wrong with the human race.

A woman blares that her grandson getting too fat, she tells me with a worried frown upon her brow. “I am putting him on a diet” she says with a determined set to her lips.

I am getting accustomed to my jaw hitting the ground when I spend time with other caregivers but, the shock is ever present, every time.

“He is putting on too much weight and he’s getting chunky so, we’re cutting back on what he can eat”, the grandmother declares.

Oh, the humanity.

This sweet little boy is a year old and his grandmother is already telling him he’s not good enough and withdrawing sustenance (food) as punishment for his “imperfection”.

“He loves this stew I make for him but, it’s very fattening and he eats too much of it. I’m going to stop making it for him because he’s getting too fat” she declares. Ah yes, it’s the stew; deprive the infant of what he loves, that’ll teach him.
I want to snatch my son and this little boy and take them to a place where there is only sunshine and ponies and rainbows.

I stammer, “Well, isn’t that good that he’s getting chunky? Don’t you think it’s sweet and cute when a baby is healthy and a little chubby?”

“Well, yes healthy is good but he’s too fat; today we started him on red pepper, broccoli and some lettuce” the grandmother proudly states, “he should look better in a week or so”.

As I stated in a previous article regarding my journey into motherhood, I need to pace myself. I can not shake this woman until her brains fall out, I can not gather her grandson and whisper ‘don’t listen to a word she tells you; you are perfect as you are”, I can not report her to the authorities as I would need to have Child Services on speed dial and after the tenth call in any given week, I might start to sound like the crazy one.

It’s only Monday and already all I want is to stay home with my boy and watch him dance when I put some music on and toddle seven steps in a row and never go out into the world again.